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……… how ya liking 8Bit Cordell??
[Just because I'm a Life & Wellness Coach doesn't mean that I'm impervious to bouts with frustration, annoyances, fear, and displeasure. But in life it is how you deal with it that matters. Emotions are there to guide you as much as you are there to guide them; thoughts, the same. This post is of a personal nature and has to do with something I struggle with from time to time.
Being that I'm a guy of a lot of interests I can get overwhelmed and feel the pressures of having to "be" something in regards to societal pressures as well as cultural memes. Being a life coach, a designer, a sound artist, and writer, often want to play chess with me.. sometimes it takes everything I can to hold it all together without losing "who I am" in the process.
Ask anyone that has ever known me, I've had my bouts with the identity crisis. Before, it had more to do with hiding. Today it has more to do with life priorities and self-honesty.
Below are some of my personal thoughts during a moment of awakened suffering. Thankfully a moment that taught me much and have moved on from in a healthier way.
Maybe my words can help you. Or maybe you have some advice for me just in case may arise again within me. I'm always open to good advice.
...eitherway, enjoy. ...Hope your day is going well.]
My belief in truth prevents me from the adventure of experiencing truth.
Knowledge of truth is not truth.
Wisdom is cultivated via experience, yet experience is only an aspect of truth.
… Is it that I must surrender to “trust” peace? I, as of now, do not know. I only assume that from what I’ve read and have heard. This is my experience.
I’ve made truth separate from my experience for fear of offending. Yet I’ve read all-is-one, and have written that All is 1, so how can I be offensive? I’ve only experienced wholeness transcendentally. Yet to transcend the self is to no longer be the self. Where is the confidence in this? To know only in a dream sense?? .. This seems to not be “actual”, but of a desire to make my yearnings thereof (my ideas of) an actual.
I’ve met the “now” in moments; I’ve never met God, or Tao. My psyche has met the dead in dream and coincidence, and the living via my senses. My thoughts have conceptualized space, interpreted time, but the courage to partake of them wholly has eluded me. The courage to be as I teach has yet to be. …That is to say – fully realized, honored, unshakable, “true”. My heart, the courage to trust, is being tested by an intellectual notion of fullness.
Is there a “soul truth” that I am to reach as I am today? Grace? Relaxed Confidence? My soul is still just an idea to me. My face, trying to recognize my face without a mirror to reflect it’s image. This has been my experience so far. At least in regards to relating to myself the eye’s of which to see others. How can I teach bliss when I have a hard time trusting my own? So easily I give into advantagion, and people pleasing, instead of authenticity… It is any wonder why my needs & my wants battle for the money and the time of my life… …Why I only half love anyone and everything has been beyond my comprehension.
I do not always feel connected to source. Often I awake annoyed and in an inner battle, I am conflicted by childhood desires & adult conclusions: the veracity of being: a warrior, a song smith, an artist, a pervert, spiritual-minded, monetarily worried, … called by darkness, and annoyed by interruption, yet prompted to love and lust, yearning and the support for others in distress… even a proponent of personal empowerment… I am conflicted.
The courage to trust and let go to give into inner peace, this is the adventure! This is my grail-quest.
To live as the poetry of confidence, the relaxation of trust, the ease of enjoyment, this is my discovered treasure.
From treasure-map to trust via self-acceptance, for me that has been AUTHENTICITY.
Namaste / Good Tidings